These coupons are redeemable on the UC Berkeley campus only. Some restrictions may apply. Reproduction of these coupons is prohibited by law. Any other use is prohibited by law.

From your GSI:
Redeemable for one irrelevant tangent during section.

Tangent may last up to 5 minutes, 10 if it relates to my dissertation.

From the Library:
Attach this coupon to your laptop to prevent it from getting stolen when you go to the bathroom.

Even if you’re stupid enough to just leave it on the table.

From the Dining Commons:
One (1) cute girl won’t get up right when you sit down next to her.

From Unit 3 Res Hall:
Redeemable for dignity during walk of shame.

Offer not valid for walks shorter than 3 doors.

For Sproul Plaza:
Present this coupon to a flyerer just to turn the tables on those mother fuckers and blow their minds.

From STB Fraternity:
Guarantees bearer forgiveness of one party foul.

(Epic party fouls excluded.)

From your Professor:
Exchange coupon during office hours to freely express your terrible ideas.
    “I’ll just let you realize on your own that everything you’re saying is wrong.”

Fror Telebears:
Enter code below to bypass waitlist.

Code: 38F6S

That is, this code will allow you to bypass the initial waitlist to get the code to talk to the code advisor, who will schedule your interview with the Registrar (Administrator) of codes, who will provide the Intent to Fill out Form form, which should be delivered to the waitlist Chancellor, who will administer your waitlist number to get into the Chamber of Codes, where you will find the Ready to Fill out Form form, which should be delivered to the code advisor, who will then explain that there is no way to graduate in four years.

9/1 Got my bid for Alpha Phi Omega community service frat today. Guess I’m a “bro” now. Just bought my first pair of sunglasses!

9/23 It’s tough being a bro. The fast times, the women, the endless hours of mind-numbing community service. Actually, I’m starting to think it’s probably just the last one.

10/5 We don’t technically have a chartered house yet, but we tear it up every weekend at the community rec center. We get a lot of girls comin’ around too. And middle aged men in exercise clothes.

10/7 The rumors about hazing totally aren’t true! All I had to do to get initiated was fill out a few forms. Although they did make me admit to being a virgin before confirming I was eligible to donate blood.

10/11 Apparently those girls are in the frat too. Can I still try to sleep with them if we’re all brothers?

10/15 Threw a sick party last night! We all got really sick after volunteering at the hospital. Man, everyone was throwing up at that party.

10/19 None of the girls in the frat will go out with me because I’m too much of a “player.” Might have start to playing less WoW if I want to get a girlfriend.

10/21Got trashed with the brothers at the Strawberry Creek Cleanup. Nothing like getting covered in trash to make you feel like you’re really working hard! Wish we could’ve recycled though.

10/22 I finally scored last night! My very first goal. Looks like I’m getting better at broomball. Which is good because participation is mandatory.

10/25 Got a bunch of new pledges at Fall Rush today! I think that’s what it’s called when you hand out flyers on Sproul. I also pledged three more frats and became a Jew for Jesus. I love college!