In a press conference last Tuesday, scientists from the Yu-Kavinsky Research Group at UC Berkeley announced that they have successfully created nothing. The research lasted six years and required several million dollars of university funds.
“This is a major breakthrough for the scientific community,” said project chair Igor Kavinsky. “Einstein predicted that nothing can move faster than the speed of light. Finally, we can test his theory.”
The fusion of nothing has been deemed the most important breakthrough since last year’s discovery of an utterly useless element that exists for a thousandth of a second.
“At first there was a lot of frustration,” said researcher Charles Modesto. “We tried combining many different particles, but we were always left with one thing or another. However, we never forgot how important these non-findings would be to a handful of obscure scientists around the world. We’re proud to have spent our glory years on nothing.”
Some concerns have been raised over the legitimacy of the reported nothing.
“I refuse to believe these scientists truly achieved nothing,” said Stanford physicist Larry Johnson.
“Their methodology simply wasn’t rigorous enough. As you can see from the academic papers, keynote speeches, and research fellowships that emerged from it, this project has to have produced something.”
“No, really. Nothing,” replied Kavinsky.