Latest Issue
Volume 33, Issue 1:
The HEURISTIC! Squelch
Volume 9- Issue 1

Top Ten Commercial Taglines About Your Penis

September 1, 1999
  1. The other white meat.
  2. Kid-tested, mother approved.
  3. Obey your thirst.
  4. Suck my dick!
  5. The best a man can get.
  6. Is it in you?
  7. The juice is loose.
  8. Put it in your head.
  9. It’s what’s for dinner.
  10. If it doesn’t get all over the place, it doesn’t belong in your face.
Volume 8- Issue 6

Volume 8, Issue 6: Star Wars Issue

May 1, 1999
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Features

Newsflashes

Top Tens

Volume 8- Issue 6

Top Ten Nefarious Government Projects at UC Berkeley

May 1, 1999

  1. Haas Pavilion

  2. Dwinelle Psychological Warfare Division

  3. KGB operatives in the Math Department
  4. Ninja Warrior ROTC
  5. Mengile’s Tang Center
  6. Haas School of Nefarious
    Government Projects
  7. Soylent Rib-B-Q’s
  8. STD research at DG
  9. Cutting monkey’s eyes open and watching them bleed
  10. Soda Hall nerve gas harvesting
Volume 8- Issue 6

Top Ten Parting Words You Don’t Want to Hear from Your GSI

May 1, 1999

  1. Those weren’t really fetal pigs.

  2. I think you got me wet.

  3. I’m Batman.
  4. Today’s self-addressed stamped postcard is brought to you by the letter F.
  5. Want to know how your mother got an A in this class?
  6. Your check bounced.
  7. You’re eating maggots, Michael. You’re eating maggots.
  8. If I see you again, I’ll put a bullet in your head and fuck the brainhole.
  9. Bye, Sam. (If your name’s not Sam.)
  10. Fuck you!
Volume 8- Issue 6

Top Ten Reasons $1.10 Chinese Food is Better than $1 Chinese Food

May 1, 1999

  1. Colombian MSG

  2. 11% of your purchase goes toward the purchase of $1 Chinese Food.

  3. Their fortune cookies have dimes in them.
  4. They never get tired of your “flied lice” jokes.
  5. Their Kung Pao actually tastes different from sweet ‘n’ sour sauce.
  6. You’re not hungry until 35 minutes later.
  7. They use border collies instead of regular collies.
  8. Both chopsticks are included.
  9. Napkins
  10. Extra trichinosis worms