Camel’s Visit to Sproul

Author’s Note: Camel is not a person. Camel is a camel. Camel is not a cigarette company. Camel is a camel. If Camel were not a camel, he would not be called Camel. Camel Camel Camel Camel.

Camel came to Sproul and saw various groups tabling their causes. He was relatively nonplussed with the situation, and decided to lie down beneath one of the fucked-up-looking trees. Then an annoying man and woman came and sat on his humps and started singing bad renditions of Beatles songs. Camel decided he would form his own group: “Camel’s Get These Annoying People The Hell Off My Back Club” (CGTAPTHOMBC). Camel started to table. He was the table.

Camel walked over to Dwinelle Plaza and saw an annoying bald man blowing a metal whistle. Camel wished it were hotter, so that the whistle would melt, and he could mold it into a throwing star and throw it at the man.

Camel went into Eshelman and walked upstairs to the Daily Californian office. He took a crap on the floor and said, “that is what I think of your lousy publication!” Actually, Camel did not say that, because he cannot talk, but if he could talk, that is what he would have said, because that is what he was thinking.

Camel went to the Financial Aid Office and stood in line, but he had to leave because he got too thirsty.

Camel stood in front of the World War II Memorial Pool and wondered why there was not a fountain in it. Since he was pregnant, he climbed into the pool and gave birth: four baby camels.

Camel went to Telegraph and got his front hump pierced and the back one dyed black. He also got his name written on a grain of rice: CAMEL.

Camel wanted to ride the elevator up to the top of the Campanile, but his tail kept getting caught in the elevator doors, so he slid it up into his bottom.

Camel went to the eucalyptus grove and built a fort out of eucalyptus leaves. Finally, someone came by and Camel turned a trick so that he could buy a ticket to go see My Giant.

Camel went up to the Lawrence Hall of Science. He did not realize that the big whale outside was not real. Otherwise, he probably would not have been trying so hard to hump it.

Camel passed Sproul again on his way home as he walked to the BART station. A young man carrying a sign that read, “Elect me elect me elect me! #43523847809” approached him and said “blahblahblahblahblahblah.” Camel swung his hump ring over his head so that it would look like headphones and the young man would stop talking to him.