Male Stand-up: The other night, I was at my girlfriend’s place, and she was putting on make-up for hours – it took her forever to get ready.
Female Stand-up: Don’t you hate it when your boyfriend is drinking beer and then fart not lift up toilet seat not emotion game watching?
Male: And I thought getting married was going to mean more sex, but really it’s like oh honey sorry no-steak on penis never-say-that-again my shit smells bad…
Female: Have you ever realized how much man B.O. talk to the hand all I do is listen to John Madden and stroke myself with a tellistrator?
Male: Gromp gonk girlfriend hooker splakly then I sez nimik never drinking again with the sailor splank.
Female: Have you hear about Bill Clinton with Monica Tripp mouthful skleap skmichy buldip?