Campbell Demands “Stop Calling Me Kubiac!”

UC Berkeley junior Patrick Campbell vehemently denied earlier this week that he is actually “Kubiac,” the monosyllabic gentle giant from the early- 90s sitcom “Parker Lewis Can’t Lose.” “I don’t understand why everyone thinks I’m Kubiac,” exclaimed a frustrated Campbell while devouring an entire fifteen- pound turkey. “Who told you that? Was it Ms. Musso?” Campbell then grunted and stroked his goatee, adding, “Kube want to be ASUC President.”