A recent study commissioned by the Office of Student Life has concluded that everything on the Berkeley campus is uphill. “No matter where a student begins, his journey to any campus building will inevitably lead him up a steep incline,” … Read More
A recent study commissioned by the Office of Student Life has concluded that everything on the Berkeley campus is uphill. “No matter where a student begins, his journey to any campus building will inevitably lead him up a steep incline,” … Read More
Plato and the Allegory of the Cave
Imagine a row of naked pre-adolescent boys tied up in the back of a cave. For some reason they can’t move their heads at all – maybe it’s a ball gag, or some … Read More
Much has been written about the eerie parallels between Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy. But overlooked are the even-more-eerie parallels between Lincoln, Kennedy, and former Oakland Raiders offensive tackle Lincoln Kennedy. Check it out.
Lincoln was elected president in
WOLFMAN: OK. I never…accidentally drowned a little girl while picking flowers.
FRANKENSTEIN: Arrgh! Frankenstein have to drink AGAIN!
THE MUMMY: OK, my turn. I never…made out with someone of the same sex. [Drinks]
FRANKENSTEIN: Frankenstein not know GAA does cuddling … Read More
A recent Gallup poll of likely voters shows a surprising groundswell of support for President Bush in the hipster community.
“Bush’s handling of the war in Iraq is so bad, it’s good,” explained Moffitt Library employee Erin Reardon, wearing a … Read More
As I write these words, it is Sunday night. Move-in Weekend is coming to a close, and the Berkeley campus is overrun with freshpeople. There’s lots of them, disproportionately lots of them, since other undergrads don’t really need to be … Read More
Karl Malone spent his entire career with the Utah Jazz, but never won a championship. In the biggest game of Karl Malone’s career, Michael Jordan stole the ball from him, and then hit the game-winning shot. Karl Malone sucks. Last … Read More
Hip-hop music, specifically that of the gangsta rap variety, has been woefully under-represented in academic circles. With this study, I would like to begin a new epoch of scholar-ship, a G-Funk Era, if you will, to give the proper critical … Read More
Two traveling salesmen and Henry Kissinger are walking down the road. It’s getting dark, so they stop at a farmhouse. They go up to the door and ask the farmer if they can stay the night. He says yes, but … Read More
It’s 2024. My rebellious son Seamus O’Murphy Padrick-Keane wants to borrow the space-car, but he’s been grounded for breaking space-curfew. When I refuse to give him the keys, Seamus wallops me over the head with an empty bottle of space-whiskey. … Read More