Student Mauled by Unit 3

Berkeley residents have united in fear after reports that a young woman was mauled by Unit 3. At approximately 8:45pm on Saturday evening, while walking home, the unidentified woman was dragged behind a row of bushes and gnawed about the legs and face.

Witnesses described the assailant as eight stories tall with windows. A complete identification was unable to be made because the attacker wore a black hooded jacket.

Police report that the building was unarmed and used its enormous size to overpower the victim.

“It used its enormous size to overpower the victim, and it was unarmed,” reported Officer David Odenkirk.

Police believe this attack was connected to the March 20th robbery and beating of a student by Unit 1 reported by the Daily Californian. “We may have a crime wave before us,” warned Officer Odenkirk. The police department recommends walking in pairs at all times to scare away potentially aggressive dormitories.