Spurred on by the enormous success of humorist Al Franken’s GOP-bashing bestseller Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, an impassioned throng of extreme-left disc jockeys gathered Saturday outside the Long Island residence of Fox News anchor Bill O’Reilly … Read More
Tag Archives: newsflash
Famous Professor Bad at Teaching
Recent reports indicate that that one teacher, you know, that one that is really famous, is not a very good teacher. These reports come hot on the trail of accusations that he just rambles a lot and doesn’t lay things … Read More
Nader Kills 30, Still a Good Person
Lifelong consumer advocate and former Green Party presidential candidate Ralph Nader opened fire on a group of unarmed shoppers Friday at a Wal-Mart near his home in Pasadena, California.
“It was a horrible tragedy,” reported one unhurt bystander. “My first … Read More
President to Dress Like Ninja
In an effort to bolster sagging public approval ratings, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan announced today that President Bush would be delivering his upcoming State of the Union address in the costume of the Japanese silent assassin, the “ninja.”… Read More
Tree in Forest Falls on Airhorn
In a serene forest located astride a majestic mountain range, a mighty elm was felled with nary a man in sight. However, the elm fell atop a conspicuously-placed airhorn, providing answers to many a timeless Buddhist koan.
A Zen Buddhist … Read More
Study Shows Conservatives to be Pee-Fetishists
Researchers at several universities, two of whom are professors at UC Berkeley, recently published their findings on the curious nature of political conservatives. Among their findings is the conclusion that conservatives, generally speaking, like to be peed on. The study … Read More
Clown Happy; Ironic Postmodernists Confused
Captain Chuckles, a professional clown and children’s entertainer, was found this week to be a happy person, and so far the community of postmodern ironic tragico-absurdist pundits has reacted with utter confusion.
The Newark, New Jersey-area clown was pronounced earlier … Read More
Budget Cuts Force Release of Intelligent Monkeys
Hard hit by budget cuts, Berkeley’s Integrative Biology department announced the imminent release of their “hive” of genetically- enhanced hyper-intelligent monkeys.
“We would’ve loved to protect our adored super-chimps from these cuts, but in a crisis something had to give,” … Read More
Rights Groups Seek to Reclaim Word “Fag”
A coalition of fraternity members, hicks, and fundamentalists have joined forces recently to reclaim the word “fag” from homosexuals, whom they say have twisted it’s meaning in recent years.
“Dude, back in the day, before we got the new porch, … Read More
Freshman Decides to Be Asian
Entering Freshman Joshua Chen, 19, has decided to be really, really Asian at Berkeley, sources say. Chen cited a desire to meet girls and make friends as his main motivations.
Within his first week at Berkeley, Chen attended the first … Read More
