Ah yes, Hello Mr. and Mrs. Windham, and welcome to your dream home. What a wonderful surprise visit! We’re just applying the finishing touches, you know, sanding some edges, painting some walls, replacing the roof, all easy stuff… If you … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Letters from the Landlord
August 21, 2007
Dear Tenants,
I hope you have enjoyed your first couple weeks at Parker Street Apartments.
However, we do have just a few reminders and requests:
-In an effort to reduce foot traffic, we are requesting that you … Read More
Emo-bot 2000 Meets the Press
On September 25, 2007, Apple’s much-hyped Emo-Bot 2000 was finally unveiled. In an impressive show of artificial intelligence, the robot-computer hybrid was able to conduct its own Q&A session with Wired magazine.
What are Emo-Bot’s mp3 capabilities?
Emo-Bot is capable … Read More
There’s a New Sheriff[s] in Town
Dear Reader:
So it looks like the old editors decided to be pricks and graduate. It turns out that they had done some bullshit loophole thing and “completed their core requirements with a minimum grand point average of 2.0.” Well … Read More
Failed Biopics
**An Ironclad Chicken-Coop: the Strom Thurmond Story **
Starring The Rock as Young Strom and A Wrinkly Leather Puppet as Old Strom
Tagline : “Great times make great oldest men in the world.”
Chronicles subject’s harrowing struggle against : African-American … Read More
Me
When I was a little kid I always thought my life would get better and better and better. Well has it? Let us compare.
Mornings
Me at 6 : I wake up early for cartoons!
Me at 16 : I … Read More
Geriatrix: A Cyberpunk Novel for Old People
Chapter 5: Do I Have a Virus?
“So why are you here?”
“I hear… I hear you know computers. I’ve got electronic mail to send to my grandson. But I’m scared and confused.”
“Say no more.”
Walter powered up the desktop of his gleaming new Apple II. … Read More
Diary of a White Collar Criminal
February 2001 – Big Promotion
I may not have one of those fancy “MBAs” or “GEDs” but if there’s one thing I do know, it’s landscape architecture. Wait, I mean business. That’s right, I just became CEO. Who’s an accident … Read More
Vegan Alternatives
Greetings! If you’re reading this then you’re a womyn or man who is choice of living a cruelty free lifestyle. Though some may be critical of harmonious existence, there are many excellent reasons to become a vegan:
- Because you object
I Want to be Fired
Lately, I’ve been wanting to get good and fired. It’s just one of those things that I want to try once before I die, like meth…again. I’ve been brainstorming ways. Here are a few:
**Propose a ‘Cleanest Pussy in the … Read More
