When I was a little kid I always thought my life would get better and better and better. Well has it? Let us compare.

Me at 6 : I wake up early for cartoons!
Me at 16 : I wake up early to yell at my parents.
Me at 26 : I wake up early because my air mattress has a leak in it.

Me at 6 : I meet the Ninja Turtles and we go on adventures together!
Me at 16 : I meet Thom Yorke who tells me he’s my real father and we go on adventures together.
Me at 26 : I meet naked Anne Hathaway from Brokeback Mountain and naked Anne Hathaway from Havoc and we have sex. Anne Hathaway from The Princess Diaries watches.

Me at 6 : I love my daddy!
Me at 16 : I hate my daddy.
Me at 26 : I wish I wasn’t a daddy.

Best Friend
Me at 6 : My best friend is John! We go to school together!
Me at 16 : My best friend is my pot dealer. I’m not sure what his name is, but I think it’s Pot Dealer.
Me at 26 : I think a dog smiled at me on the bus.

Favorite Movie
Me at 6 : Home Alone!
Me at 16 : Neon Genesis Evangelion the Movie.
Me at 26 : The part in Boogie Nights where you can see Heather Graham’s bush.

Favorite Food
Me at 6 : Hot dogs!
Me at 16 : Hot dogs!
Me at 26 : Hot dogs!

Last Book Read
Me at 6 : Hop on Pop!
Me at 16 : Tuck Everlasting.
Me at 26 : Shit, I think it was Tuck Everlasting.

Me at 6 : My parents give me 10 dollars a week.
Me at 16 : My parents give me 25 dollars a week.
Me at 26 : My parents will start giving me money again if I sign a sobriety contract.

Me at 6 : I want to be an astronaut!
Me at 16 : I want to be a rock star. On the moon!
Me at 26 : I want to be someone that gets health insurance.