[Two 5’8″ men stand in the middle of a burned down tire shop, deed in hand]
Sydney : So. Japanese Pop Art meets Sicilian Renaissance with unisex bathrooms?
Viktor : Obvi. Marble from Florence, glass from Stockholm, and waiters from the New School.
Sydney : Laugh. So, designer? What about Marco? He only uses soy-based building materials. He did La Negress in the Village.
Viktor : That place was aces before it collapsed.
Sydney : I liked it more after it collapsed.
Viktor : You’re right. So po-mo.
Sydney : Also, we shouldn’t let Jews in.
[They both blink sarcastically]
Patron #1 : Hey, so what’d you get at Le Granil?
Patron #2 : Oh, I ordered a Dresden roll from the Sushi menu so they brought me a piece of rebar wrapped in cement.
Patron #1 : Oooooo, how was it?
Patron #2 : Dishy. What’d you get?
Patron #1 : The Prix Fix. The chef kicked me in the throat while shouting at me in Esperanto. But I hardly had to wait!
Sending Something Back
Patron : [Getting waiter’s attention by grabbing his ironic dreadlocks] Excuse me?
Waiter : [dramatic sigh]
Patron : I ordered the Aged Basement Eggs, and this came on a bed of hair. The menu said it came on a bed of arugula.
Waiter : [sighing again, more obviously] And?
Patron : It’s amazing.
Excerpt — NY Times Review
A gaunt, unwashed 24 year old wearing a tuxedo top and a thong approaches the table, a dying pheasant in one hand and a clove of garlic in the other. He slams the bird onto the table, its violent thrashing knocking over the dirty water glasses and sending a lit candle plummeting to the ground below. A glance reveals hundreds of such candles on the ground, a testament to the popularity of the Village’s newest culinary sensation.
_Emotionally Battered Sea Bass – $86.68 _
A filet of Chilean sea bass, insulted, beaten, and spit on. Cooked upon request.
_Street Vendor’s Delight – $39.98 _
Other patrons’ leftovers grilled with a spicy Unagi sauce and wrapped in a British tortilla.
_Sack De Triumphe – Your Age Times 10 _
Oyster-leakings, shrimp tails, and pomegranate served in a cool canvas sack.
_Tasty Sandwich – Price varies by season _