Federal Trade Commission Starts, End Google Anti-trust Suit

WASHINGTON, D.C. (DS) – On the cusp of Google’s planned buyout of DoubleClick, the online advertising industry’s leading ad-seller, the Federal Trade Commission has both opened and closed its antitrust suit directed at the world’s top search engine.

“As Google has already purchased numerous smaller online advertising firms, we at the Federal Trade, er, uhhh,”

stammered FTC Chairman Deborah Majoras as a Google intern in the audience held aloft posterboard reading, “Recent searches: pre-nup divorce hitman shemale prostitute.”

A representative from the Department of Justice followed in the press conference, stating that, “To let one company dominate the future medium of advertising is both unjust and immoral.” The press conference ended abruptly when an unnamed reporter suffered a violent coughing fit, his coughs sounding remarkably like the words, “transformers,” and “erotic fanfiction.”

When asked for comment, Google CEO Larry Page replied, “Oh, hey Candice. How’s Valtrex working for you?” Then he laughed long and hard.