UPDATE! Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson have been spotted eating lunch together. Sources report they’re planning to teach us all to love again.
-Will Smith’s dogs are smarter than most college graduates.
-500 Sudanese refugees have found shelter in George … Read More
We at the Heuristic Squelch know that the last thing you want to think about is money, but these obscure campus scholarships might be your only chance to graduate without a second mortgage on your kidneys. Just remember, some some … Read More
Hello Potential Customer,
I’m Ted “Deathfuker” Quinn, proud owner and operator of Deathfuker’s School for Etiquette and Deportment. We at Deathfuker’s are committed to transforming candy asses into confident and successful citizens through an intensive ten-step program.
Step 1: … Read More
The impact of WikiLeaks’ crusade for transparency has extended well beyond the United States, leading to public revelations that have engulfed countless world governments in scandals, threatening to shake them to their core. This map is a handy primer to … Read More
[A LETTER]
Dearest Students,
Salutations to the Second Freshman Class in the history of the University of California! Welcome to what will surely be the most celebrated university in this Golden State, provided an eccentric railroad baron does not build … Read More
What’s got two thumbs and wants to help you graduate college?
This guy!
Would you like to…
Be awake until you see sunrise and then be awake some more?
Turn every activity of
Believe it or not, not everything submitted to the Squelch is a winner. If you haven’t noticed (because you’re not a writer or dedicated stalker), all of our submission information is on the bottom left corner of the opposite page. … Read More
San Francisco resident Jake Moyle surprised fashion critics this week by believing the sentiment expressed on his ironic T-shirt. The shirt, purchased at a Goodwill on Mission and 19th Street, ironically displays a picture of former president George W. … Read More
With all the talk of budget cuts and fee hikes, no one has considered the blunt reality: tuition increases could be totally awesome. Sure, there are a few drawbacks, but here’s some of the cool shit we could afford if … Read More
