San Francisco resident Jake Moyle surprised fashion critics this week by believing the sentiment expressed on his ironic T-shirt. The shirt, purchased at a Goodwill on Mission and 19th Street, ironically displays a picture of former president George W. … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Things I Wouldn’t Mind Raising Tuition For
With all the talk of budget cuts and fee hikes, no one has considered the blunt reality: tuition increases could be totally awesome. Sure, there are a few drawbacks, but here’s some of the cool shit we could afford if … Read More
The Kitten Manifesto
WE are the Arbiters of man’s destiny! Furry adorable death machines nibbling at the catnip of eternity.
Our teeth are sunk into their youtubes,
that million fathom deep
pit of futile commotion.
Not since those Egyptian foolS have … Read More
Hip Directors
The Art of Cinema
These young auteurs are transforming cinema one film at a time. Even if each film is basically the same as the last. In these excerpts from their newest ventures, we see them condense their bold visions into the most perfect … Read More
Campus Coupons
These coupons are redeemable on the UC Berkeley campus only. Some restrictions may apply. Reproduction of these coupons is prohibited by law. Any other use is prohibited by law.
From your GSI:
Redeemable for one irrelevant tangent during section.
Tangent … Read More
Atom & Eve
Online Dating for the Modern Molecule
Atom & Eve is the first atomic dating site for atoms by atoms. While other atomic dating sites base their matches on superficial criteria like the number of your valence electrons, our sophisticated matching algorithm takes into account factors you … Read More
Modern Family Spin-offs
Sure the tender, off-beat comedy Modern Family has been successful, but FOX’s all-new Fall line-up takes “modern” to its rightful blasé extreme. Never before has one night of television so encapsulated the modern spirit and showed America what’s really real. … Read More
Celebrities: They’re Better than Us!
Brought to you by Us Weekly
UPDATE! Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson have been spotted eating lunch together. Sources report they’re planning to teach us all to love again.
-Will Smith’s dogs are smarter than most college graduates.
-500 Sudanese refugees have found shelter in George … Read More
Scholarship Station
Lesser-Known Berkeley Scholarships
We at the Heuristic Squelch know that the last thing you want to think about is money, but these obscure campus scholarships might be your only chance to graduate without a second mortgage on your kidneys. Just remember, some some … Read More
Ted “Deathfuker” Quinn’s Finishing School for Men
Hello Potential Customer,
I’m Ted “Deathfuker” Quinn, proud owner and operator of Deathfuker’s School for Etiquette and Deportment. We at Deathfuker’s are committed to transforming candy asses into confident and successful citizens through an intensive ten-step program.
Step 1: … Read More
