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Volume 34, Issue 1:
Squelch M.D.
Volume 8- Issue 6

Top Ten Parting Words You Don’t Want to Hear from Your GSI

May 1, 1999

  1. Those weren’t really fetal pigs.

  2. I think you got me wet.

  3. I’m Batman.
  4. Today’s self-addressed stamped postcard is brought to you by the letter F.
  5. Want to know how your mother got an A in this class?
  6. Your check bounced.
  7. You’re eating maggots, Michael. You’re eating maggots.
  8. If I see you again, I’ll put a bullet in your head and fuck the brainhole.
  9. Bye, Sam. (If your name’s not Sam.)
  10. Fuck you!
Volume 8- Issue 6

Top Ten Reasons $1.10 Chinese Food is Better than $1 Chinese Food

May 1, 1999

  1. Colombian MSG

  2. 11% of your purchase goes toward the purchase of $1 Chinese Food.

  3. Their fortune cookies have dimes in them.
  4. They never get tired of your “flied lice” jokes.
  5. Their Kung Pao actually tastes different from sweet ‘n’ sour sauce.
  6. You’re not hungry until 35 minutes later.
  7. They use border collies instead of regular collies.
  8. Both chopsticks are included.
  9. Napkins
  10. Extra trichinosis worms
Volume 8- Issue 5

Volume 8, Issue 5: Weekly World Squelch II

March 1, 1999
PDF Link

Features

Newsflashes

Top Tens

Volume 8- Issue 5

Top Ten TV Shows About Pigs

March 1, 1999
  1. Cops
  2. Dawson’s Corkscrewed Cock
  3. The Pig is Right
  4. Win Ben Swine’s Money
  5. Ally McSqueal
  6. Pigs Say the Darnedest Things
  7. Swinefeld
  8. When Pigs Attack
  9. The Snouter Limits
  10. Hoof’s the Boss?
Volume 8- Issue 5

Top Ten Things Said by the Voices in Your Head

March 1, 1999

  1. I wonder what it would feel like to rub sandpaper on my eyeballs.

  2. Thunder…Thunder…THUNDER… THUNDERCATS, HO!

  3. Now where’d I put my crack?
  4. Bite the leg, bite the leg…
  5. Goddamn cat.
  6. I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people want my cock.
  7. It will hurt if I swallow…cough, cough…Mommy!
  8. Hey, I wonder what my best friend is doing in the restroom with that little girl. Ah, it’s probably none of my business.
  9. I pity the fool that don’t eat my cereal.
  10. Meow, meow, meow, meow…