Everything Just Fine

The United States Congress has passed the “Everything is Just Fine” act, declaring that everything is “just fine.” This “just fineness” of everything is the first to occur in over 5000 years, when man’s earliest historical records first reported trouble a-brewin’. This trouble, according to Congress, has apparently ceased.

“This is truly a remarkable occurrence,” said Rep. Frank Riggs of California. “It’s hard to believe that everything’s finally okay now, but we members of Congress would like to assure everyone that it is.”

“You mean we won?” exclaimed Ryan Wilcox of CalPIRG, an organization dedicated to planetary improvement whether anyone likes it or not. “Well, shit! What the hell are we gonna do now?”

Public approval of the situation of everything is quite high. “It’s great that everything’s just fine now,” said student Wayne Ford, “at least as long as you ignore all of the problems that are still here.”

Despite widespread public approval, trouble is expected to start back up again quite soon. Trouble experts project the probable time to be “any minute now.” Congress has prepared for this eventuality by passing the “Everything’s Going to be Okay” Act, which is expected to be signed into law next week.