Features
- horoscopes!
- Reach Out and Jerk Me Off
- Viewpoints
- Advice For Gullible Schmucks!
- In Self Defense of Logic
- sassy slang for snappy sisters!
- Problem 2b
- Humiliating Happenstances!
- Napsneerg!
- Words from the Top
Newsflashes
- NYSE Floor Broker Trades Insults on Record Volume
- Berkeley Resident Ignored, Capitalism Thrives
- NASA Streamlines Operations
- Andy Singer Announces Retirement, Berkeley Students Rejoice
- Magazine Dries Up
- Student Receives Worst Hand-Job in History
