Volume 9- Issue 3 Top Ten Ways to Stop Someone Committing Suicide February 1, 2000 top ten Evict him from the I-House Steal all of his salt so he’ll get a goiter and then the noose won’t fit him Just find another box of Corn Pops Convince him that regicide is much cooler Replace his razor blades with Juicy Fruit Wrappers Two words: Coffee enema Convince him that Milli Vanilli still has fans Kill yourself first – no one likes a copycat Put a Moon Bounce under his window Shoot him
