Berkeley resident Mike Willis was doing some routine shopping at Safeway on College Avenue yesterday, when the unexpected happened. The shopper in front of him, a Joshua Martinez, was informed jubilantly by Sarah, Deputy Manager since 1992, that he would receive a 5% discount on a future purchase due to loyal spending habits at the establishment.
“Don’t spend it all in one place,” Willis sarcastically jeered, awkwardly hoping to strike a blow against the entire capitalist system with his snide remark. However, it went largely unnoticed, save by the shopper behind Willis, who cast him a dirty look and then proceeded to congratulate the winner, who was further elated to learn that he could apply his newly won discount to any future purchase. Tact and dignity mandated that Willis keep his mouth shut at this point for the remainder of the transaction. Since he lacked both, however, he repeated the comment, much, much, louder. Sarah broke the uncomfortable silence with, “Thank you Mr. Martinez.” Martinez wondered how she knew his name, then remembered his Club Card, and they both shared a good laugh at the joke.
“Yeah, she knows your name, Martinez,” Willis ridiculously continued, “and your home phone number too!”
On his way out, Willis may have surreptitiously grabbed an application for a Safeway Club Card, covering it up by pretending to chuckle at an anecdote in the Daily Californian about Tyson McCreary’s tea-fueled misadventures in Europe.