Features
- The Super Kmart Diaries
- HOUSEBOY!
- AirBART Bus Driver Application
- The Robots & Dinosaurs & Race Cars Club
- Penguin Publishing
- Monticello!
- Words from the Top
Newsflashes
- “High Quality” Apparently Means “For Fucking Ever to Dry Taking”
- Telemarketer Disturbed by Strange Acronyms
- Moratorium Issued on Hair Professor Jokes
- Plea of “No Sprouts” Unheeded by Mustachioed Devil-Bitch
- Pillsbury Announces Release of “Ready to Eat” Cookies
- Local Student “Almost Definitely” Leaving Apartment Tomorrow
- Protestors Frustrated by Police Civility
- “Productive” Weekend Actually Weekend of Video Games, Porn
Top Tens
- Top Ten Benefits of Buying a College Yearbook
- Top Ten Pointlessly Exotic Sexual Practices
- Top Ten Inappropriate Memorials
- Top Ten Entries That Didn’t Make the Other Lists in this Issue
- Top Ten Ways to Act Like You’re Working in a Pizza Factory
- Top Ten Vegetarian Musicals
- Top Ten Formulaic Top Ten Entries
- Top Ten Things to Do with 50 Corpses
- Top Ten Ways to Tell You’ve Found a Quality Girl
- Top Ten Reasons to Wake Up Angry
