Top Ten Reasons to Wake Up Angry | The Heuristic Squelch

You’re an infant, you’re hungry, you’ve got a poopy diaper, and you have feet the size of an NBA power forward
You’re in a bathtub full of ice, but your kidneys have not been removed, so you’re still not sure if it’s an urban myth
You weren’t planning on switching phone companies at 8:00 in the morning, but the person calling you thought you should.
Instead of your alarm clock, there’s a ten piece mariachi band and they’re dressed like Latin Robocops
You woke up little Susie with your snoring and she kicked your nuts up your ass
You’re half buried in a cemetery somewhere outside of Mexico City
You’re getting oral from a dead guy
You’re on the foor and your roommate is on the street selling your bed to some Pakistanis
You’re underneath the bed
You’re on the wrong side of the bed