Top Ten Ways to Discourage People from Walking in Late to Lecture

  1. Tiger pit just inside door
  2. Inflict a storm of sour vitriol on each individual person who comes in late rather than wait until about forty minutes into the lecture, when everone who’s going to come in late has already come in late, and then inflicting your vitriol all at once.
  3. Barbed wire and concrete redoubts
  4. Keep the lecture constantly moving, so you have to run to catch-up
  5. Devote first ten minutes of every lecture to an engaging entreaty from Hoku Jeffrey to join the growing youth-led civil rights movement
  6. Start classes ten minutes after the hour, so everyone has plenty of time to get there
  7. Break their fucking legs–now who’s walking?
  8. Hire overgrown football players from Luce Entertainment that can’t block worth shit on the field but can at social gatherings
  9. Teach in a different time zone
  10. Lock all doors to the classroom and install a nifty pole for people to slide down