A prospective customer thoroughly disturbed telemarketer Lester Martin of Discover Credit Cards with his unsettling acronyms. Lester, who cordially greeted the customer, made friendly banter and eventually convinced the man to apply for a Platinum Discover card with complimentary T-shirt.
“Everything was going great,” said Lester, “until I started to get his personal information.”
The situation turned bleak when Larry Hart, the customer, began to spell his name as requested.
“Larry,” he said. “L as in Lester, A as in anally, R as in roughly, R as in rape, Y as in you. Hart. H as in hurt, A as in and, R as in ravaging, T as in trauma.”
As much as Lester was frightened by the disconcerting choice of words, he pressed on following company protocol. It wasn’t until the man claimed he lived on Marley (Murders Are Rare Lester Except Yours) Street in Tampa (Telemarketer Assaulter Machetes Pulmonary Artery), Florida (Fucking Lester Over Requires Insanity During Amputation), that Lester was thoroughly convinced that this man was not interested in his free tropical Discover T-shirt.
“It’s not like it’s been my lifelong dream to be a telephone sales associate,” said a frustrated Lester. “My job’s no frolic in the hay you know. These people, they think just because you’re a telemarketer you’re not human or something. It’s like we’re these weird telemarketing evil robots or evil telemarketing blobs of goo. I mean, fuck! Next time these motherfuckers harass me I’ll tell them “L as in lick, M as in my, H as in hairy, B as in balls.”
Lester failed to elaborate on the meaning of the word “lmhb.”