A growing problem among young girls in the U.S. is their tendency to set low goals for themselves. The seeds of underachievement can take root in little girls as young as three or four and can often be seen in … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
The Seminal Works of Dr. Seuss
Most people think of Dr. Seuss as the lovable children’s author. Because of this, we’ve put together a collection of his most famous works and annotated them with informative notes writen by scholars named me. Also included in this exclusive … Read More
Squelch Endorsements of the Future
After watching the fallout of the 2004 election, the _Squelch editorial staff realized that the opinions of the California voters just don’t matter. So, in the spirit of meaningless political dribble, here are the Squelch‘s endorsements for state referenda … Read More
From the Desk of Michael Spaden III
Dear Heirs and Heiresses,
Thank you for coming to the reading of my will. My lawyer, Bill Edmonds, will be conducting the reading, and is legally obliged to read every word. Since I never liked Bill: shitsucker! I, Bill Edmonds, … Read More
A Day in the Life of Ma-ti
Planeteer with the Power of Heart
Power Assignment Meeting
Captain Planet: So we’ve got the four main elements covered and assigned to the proper ethnic stereotype, but what is it that Indians do again?
Gaia: Dot Indian or Feather Indian?
Captain Planet: Umm, dot, I guess.… Read More
Disabled Students Program
I have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). This qualifies me for registration with the Disabled Students Program (DSP), which is the office that organizes academic accommodations like Extended Time Testing (ETT) and Note Taking Assistance (NTA) for students with Documented Learning … Read More
5 Other Bigs
Big Bum
The poorest man in Berkeley versus the poorest man at Stanford. This year Cal’s very own Steven and a small bag of his own excrement go up against Chad Wilson and his ’98 Toyota Camry. This highly anticipated … Read More
The Downfall of James Bond: Fatherhood
Fact: James Bond had sex. With women. A lot.
Fact: Women are responsible for babies.
It’s no secret that James Bond’s stealthy penis found its way into the cavities of many a femme fatale, but what isn’t not a secret … Read More
Lincoln/Kennedy Coincidences
Much has been written about the eerie parallels between Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy. But overlooked are the even-more-eerie parallels between Lincoln, Kennedy, and former Oakland Raiders offensive tackle Lincoln Kennedy. Check it out.
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Lincoln was elected president in
Hey, Rhino
The Poker Game
Zack: In your face, Zookeeper Jackson!
Zookeeper Jackson: Crap. Well, here’s the deed to my zoo. And the keys to my giraffe.
Zack: Uh, the key goes where, exactly?
Former Zookeeper Jackson: In the keyhole.
Zack: Right, … Read More
