Early yesterday morning, a car careened out of control on the Ridgemont Expressway. The driver, Mitch Wiltman, did not appear to be hurt by the accident. However, when medical personnel helped him out of his totaled 1995 … Read More
Yesterday, during a routine discussion section for English 158, junior Derek Snyder was bombarded with intestinal cramps attributed to a local Thai eggplant dish. Snyder, who enjoyed the meal, immediately abandoned his comfortable lounging position when the onslaught… Read More
Dentist: Hi Mr. Ziaygeean, how are you?
Me: Uh.. I’m good. But its pronounced Zee-aye-en.
Dentist: Ok. Alright. I got it. So how’s school treating you?
Me: Not too bad. Classes are always hard, … Read More
With the housing crunch in the East Bay worse than ever, students are turning to the Internet for help. eHousing, a business which helps students find housing, announced Tuesday that it will now offer housing services on its website. Students … Read More
Several hardcore sluts want to fuck Griffiths Hall resident Dave Pruitt, according to a website banner encountered by Pruitt earlier this week. Pruitt discovered the sluts during his daily mid-afternoon porn search.
“This banner really caught my eye,” … Read More
Passengers travelling on the Fremont-bound BART with Bay Area resident Solomon Duvall became distressed and distraught as it began to appear as though Duvall was actually going to Fremont, the last station on the Richmond-Fremont line.… Read More
College student and loving older brother Teddy Hubbard had yet another would-be casual seduction unravelled last night by interloping personal possessions furnished as gifts by his ironically minded little sister.
Hubbard had half-strolled, half-stumbled into his apartment with … Read More
Sociology 98: How Many People Can I Get to Show Up For My de-Cal Class with an Enticing Course Description?
This class is offered for 7 units. Satisfies the American Cultures requirement. Free beer. Exotic dancers. And… Read More
Behavioral scientist B. F. Skinner once wrote, “Human conversations are as varied as stars in the night sky, and no less infinite in their possibility.” Malarkey, says I. When the pretense has been stripped away, there are… Read More
Janeane from Carson City, NV asks, “So how is your column different from the many other advice columns out there?”
Well, Janeane, for starters, I think outside the box. I’m a no nonsense go-getter, so don’t … Read More
