Heuristic Squelch: Well, we at the Heuristic Squelch would first like to thank you for this grand opportunity to interview you, the 40th President of the United States. We understand you have been a little under the weather lately. However, … Read More
Ophrys bilunulata, the cunning seductive temptress of Central Europe, discloses her arching figure, velvety hair, and fragrant scent; twisting the palpating heart of the male Andrena flavipesi to such a wicked degree that the loins of A. flavipesi swelter … Read More
In a small office on the 42nd floor of the Chrysler Building,
a paper clip standing 3 feet 7 inches walks in. He has two round googly eyes
and floating eyebrows. He’s walking on a piece of magical floating paper.… Read More
I had always considered myself an ethical human being, the sort that when faced with a dilemma would find the most responsible solution to the problem. However, not until April 11, 2002, did I discover the errors of my ways, … Read More
Waking up in the morning to the sturm und drang of my own testicular power, I’m invigorated by a sense of belonging, the joy of being a part of a group. But not an ordinary group of friends with insignficant … Read More
On April 18, 2002, the Supreme Court overturned a ban on “virtual child pornography” passed by Congress six years ago. This landmark decision reaffirms our First Amendment right to freely express ideas. Now artistically significant suggestions of underage sex are … Read More
I’m sorry we can’t be friends. It’s not you. It’s me. Really. You see, I like you and I think we’d make wonderful friends, but I currently have four friends and four is really plenty. You see I drive a … Read More
Heuristic Squelch: So, Mr. Gumball Machine. How long have you been here?
Gumball Machine: Please call me Gumball Machine. Well, I’ve been around for over 15 years. I used to be over there, right by the entrance. But over the … Read More
Flex Plan Bodybuilder Henry James, of Bowflex commercial fame, recently admitted to friends and family that his workout regiment, which maintains remarkably stiff quads, bulging pecs, and tantalizing abs, rarely includes 20 to 30 minutes on the Bowflex machine as … Read More
Stacy: Hi guys, I’m Stacy.
Richard Reid: Hi Stacy, I’m Richard, but my close friends call me Rick.
Stacy: [Giggles] So can I call you Rick?
Reid: Well, actually [long pause], my future lovers call me [longer pause] Rico, … Read More