Jessica Marzan, age 4 1/2, had lost her Mommy, a Walnut Creek Nordstrom’s PA system reported last week. Marzan had spent nearly three minutes following the blue-jeans-clad legs of a woman who she presumed to be … Read More
Edgy teen-flick mainstay Seth Green has signed on for a supporting role for Tristar Pictures’ upcoming film, The Seth Green Story, a biopic chronicling the rise of actor Seth Green. Green will be played by heartthrob Freddie Prinze, Jr., with … Read More
[Bush and Rumsfeld enter. Cheney is seated in armchair, dead of a heart attack]
BUSH: Dick! Good to see you again, buddy.
RUMSFELD: How’s it going, Dick? We brought you some … Read More
Popular crimes in Caveman Times generally involved the use of a club and/or the theft of a mate. Punishment for crimes in Caveman Times generally involved the same. One notable exception was Grk’s landmark conviction… Read More
Heuristic Squelch: So, Mr. Gumball Machine. How long have you been here?
Gumball Machine: Please call me Gumball Machine. Well, I’ve been around for over 15 years. I used to be over there, right by the … Read More
After an unsatisfying end to its military campaign, the Joint Chiefs of Staff have decided to replay the Afghanistan level.
“I thought the liberation of Kunduz would be a lot harder,” said Lieutenant John Toney. “But the … Read More
Studies have actually shown that, while the low body temperatures usually experienced when caught in the rain can reduce the effectiveness of your … Read More
Proving once and for all the age-old axiom, “There are lots of hot girls and good drinks at Blake’s on Telegraph,” Squelly Girls Casey Le Jeune and Joanna Jen debut their newfound talents in the art… Read More
“Yeah, we’re smart. Holy shit, we’re so fucking smart. How fucking smart are we? I’ll tell you this, we wouldn’t pay a hundred fifty bucks to swim with humans.
“You know what we think … Read More
An FBI luncheon was spoiled this week when a masked thief made off with an entire cart of hamburgers, which were to serve as the entrees for the event. One eye witness described the suspect as “four feet tall… Read More
