Latest Issue
Volume 34, Issue 1:
Squelch M.D.
Volume 7- Issue 6

Top Ten Reasons Why Your Car Should Be as Low to the Ground as Possible

April 1, 1998
  1. Puff Daddy has one.
  2. Jesus likes lowered cars. Just ask Kierkegaard.
  3. The lower your Honda Civic is, the more it looks like a <I>real car</I>.
  4. It’s mass cool.
  5. To avoid radar.
  6. The reduced drag due to air resistance will save you on average 5.75 per month on gasoline
  7. Get down, get down… na na na, nanana.
  8. Need an excuse not to be able to get out of your driveway
  9. Find being stuck on speed bumps erotic
  10. Damn smurfs!
Volume 7- Issue 6

Top Twelve Pro-Wrestling Moves

April 1, 1998
  1. Australian Reverse-Swirlie
  2. Finnish Finish
  3. Sicilian Kiss of Death
  4. Israeli Guilt Trip
  5. Head But BAMN
  6. Swirlie
  7. Irish Drunken Rage
  8. British Smile
  9. Canadian Nut Cruncher
  10. French Surrender
  11. Latvian Tickle
  12. Swedish Penis Enhancer
Volume 7- Issue 5

Volume 7, Issue 5: A.S.U.C. Titanic

March 1, 1998

Features

Newsflashes

Top Tens

Volume 7- Issue 5

Top Fourteen New Oscar Categories

March 1, 1998
  1. Biggest Bomb with SNL Cast Member
  2. Best Prosthetic Penis
  3. Kevin Bacon Lifetime Achievement Award
  4. Biggest Kevin Costner Failure
  5. Best Samuel L. Bronkowitz Production
  6. Most Predictable Ending
  7. Best Disney Perversion of a Classic Fairy Tale or Historical Event
  8. Best of the Best
  9. Best Bitch Slap
  10. Best Dead Rapper
  11. Best iality
  12. Best Casting Couch Performance
  13. Best Boy
  14. Best Bloated Epic
Volume 7- Issue 5

Top Fifteen Jeopardy Questions

March 1, 1998
  1. I’m leaving you Alex.
  2. Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
  3. Where is the keg, bra?
  4. What is the frequency Kenneth?
  5. Where is the beef?
  6. Who is scruffy looking?
  7. Whaddup?
  8. What does this button do?
  9. What’s love got to do with it?
  10. Who is your daddy, Alex?
  11. What is your phone number?
  12. What is ironic?
  13. Where have all the cowboys gone?
  14. Where is Carmen San Diego?
  15. Who is the Who?