According to the results of a recent study, 45% of Berkeley students were found to be socially retarded. In an interview, Chancellor Berdahl proudly announced “another victory for diversity.”
The majority of these students confirmed their retardation by admitting to playing “Quake”, a popular computer game. Meanwhile, student Guai-Lo “Lawrence” Chu defended his brethren. “I play with my girlfriend every night,” said the offended retard. “Sometimes, if I feel romantic, I type ‘I love you’ across the screen.” The rest of the retarded students included residents of Cloyne Court co-op, who admitted to crank-induced bouts of Tourette’s syndrome.