California Tosses Out Riffraff

In a controversial vote, the California State Legislature approved the removal of both Davis and Placerville from the state. John Hornsby (D), in a statement released to the press, described the two Northern California towns as “an embarrassment.” The new measure calls for the relocation of Davis residents to another area, “more accepting of the hick life-style, maybe Nevada or Fresno.” He added that the state’s current plans for the city itself are to “just bag it up and sell it as fertilizer.” In a somewhat differing course of action, the State has erected insurmountable walls around Placerville to prevent anyone from entering or leaving the town. “We figure that about one more generation of inbreeding should take care of the problem.” In a related story, John Deere, Inc. has announced the closure of its California operations.