Under the Bridge | The Heuristic Squelch

(More or less sung to the tune of Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers)

Sometimes I feel like I hate my lab partners.
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the city of Berkeley.
Lonely as I am, together we cry.

Don’t drive on her streets, ’cause I don’t got no car.
I walk through her hills to get to Soda Hall.
She sees my good problem sets,
And she rains all over them.
I never masturbate. Now that is a lie

I don’t ever wanna feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love –
Take me to www.beavers.com.

It’s hard to believe that there’s nobody out there,
Especially after watching Contact and Men in Black.
At least I have her love; the city she loves me.
Lonely as I am, together we cry.

I don’t ever wanna feel
Like I did that day.
Take me to the place I love –
Take me to www.beavers.com.

Under the Bridge on campus –
Is where I drew some blood.
Under the bridge on campus –
I fell and hit my head.
Under the bridge on campus –
Decided I’d get some chicks.
Under the bridge on campus –
Decided I’d change to Women’s Studies.