Features
- My Thursday Night On Telegraph:
- Stinky Friday
- Confessions of the Colorblind
- I Can’t Believe You Still Don’t Own a Copy of <i>Shrek</i>
- Diary of a Penis Artist
- Words from the Top
- Weekend at Cheney’s
- Crime Over Time
- Interview with the ASUC Gumball Machine
- A Buddhist Monk Debunks Several Popular Myths
Newsflashes
- Guy In <i>Lord of the Rings</i> Also Guy From <i>The Matrix</i>
- Cosplayer Loosely Resembles Anime Character
- US Decides to Retry Afghanistan Level
- Criminal Mastermind Pilfers FBI Luncheon
- Bowflex Man Not Bowflexing
- Needle Lost in Haystack
- He-Man Arrested For Indecent Exposure
- Apartment Vaguely Smells Like Gas
Top Tens
- Top Ten Ways to Scare the Red Cross From Ever Asking You to Donate Blood Again.
- Top Ten Winter Movies About Food
- Top Ten Ways to Tell Your Teen is Troubled
- Top Ten Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage
- Top Ten Non-Pornographic Porno Movies
- Top Ten Things to Say to a Dog You’re Abandoning When It Keeps Looking at You Like That
