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Top Ten Ways to Tell Your Teen is Troubled | The Heuristic Squelch
Volume 11- Issue 4

Top Ten Ways to Tell Your Teen is Troubled

January 1, 2002
  1. Standing on block of ice with a moose around his neck
  2. Standing on block of ice with a noose around his neck
  3. Father’s Day gift includes coupons for chores and coupons for crack
  4. In lieu of posters, nails old blocks of cheese to wall
  5. Uses the word “autumn”
  6. He’s grown too big for his jar
  7. While your other teen isn’t troubled, she’s fucking the one you’re worried about. You’re worried about both now.
  8. Equipped with Pop-O-Matic bubble
  9. Doesn’t notice replacement of Gap clothing with Old Navy knockoffs
  10. Still breast fed, and you’re not lactating anymore