Features
- AirBART Bus Driver Application
- The Robots & Dinosaurs & Race Cars Club
- Penguin Publishing
- Monticello!
- Words from the Top
- The Super Kmart Diaries
- HOUSEBOY!
Newsflashes
- Plea of “No Sprouts” Unheeded by Mustachioed Devil-Bitch
- Pillsbury Announces Release of “Ready to Eat” Cookies
- Local Student “Almost Definitely” Leaving Apartment Tomorrow
- Protestors Frustrated by Police Civility
- “Productive” Weekend Actually Weekend of Video Games, Porn
- “High Quality” Apparently Means “For Fucking Ever to Dry Taking”
- Telemarketer Disturbed by Strange Acronyms
- Moratorium Issued on Hair Professor Jokes
Top Tens
- Top Ten Reasons to Wake Up Angry
- Top Ten Ways to Catch the Loch Ness Monster
- Top Ten Ways to Tell You Spent Too Much Money
- Top Ten Worst Things to Be Allergic To
- Top Ten Pornographic Landmarks
- Top Ten Benefits of Buying a College Yearbook
- Top Ten Pointlessly Exotic Sexual Practices
- Top Ten Inappropriate Memorials
- Top Ten Entries That Didn’t Make the Other Lists in this Issue
- Top Ten Ways to Act Like You’re Working in a Pizza Factory
