From the makers of Invisalign, the invisible braces, comes Invisimask. The Invisimask system is a mostly painless system for facial correction and beautification. Developed by NASA for ugly astronauts, the patented space-age Uglon technology subtly alters your facial features while … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Back-Alley Mike’s School of Back-Alley Self-Defense
Thanks to the Democrats, 3-time “King of the C-Block Showers” Back-Alley Mike is back on the street to teach you the fundamentals of self defense.
“Staring down the barrel of a gun is one of the most challenging situations … Read More
Discount Wisdom
They say the lion is the king of the jungle, but I think it’s the bulldozer.
I sympathize with animal rights activists, because I think animals are people too. Inferior, delicious, inhuman people.
People always tell me I make delicious … Read More
Grey’s Anatomy
INT. MEDICAL HOSPITAL – NIGHT
It’s the third shift at a DOWNTOWN medical hospital. DESPITE the LATE hour, the HOSPITAL is humming STEADILY.
The camera tracks through the hospital, showing us many hospital
things, then follows a gurney as it … Read More
High-Brow Erotic Fanfiction
“The Battle of Man-Asses”
Author: RebCake20
Source: Ken Burns’ “The Civil War”
[The camera pans out from an aged photograph as a sorrowful and rustic violin plays an old Southern requiem. The photo is of two men with scraggly … Read More
Words from the Top
We’re Not Very Lucky
Congratulations on obtaining a copy of the Heuristic Squelch. Unfortunately, we regret to inform you that by accepting this issue, you too have fallen under the curse of a mysterious Native American shaman. Sorry, our bad. We’d like to explain … Read More
Words From The Top
47 Things Every Freshman Should Know
- Being ten minutes late for class is no problem; we call it “Berkeley time.”
- Your Cal ID card can be used for one free rental at Blockbuster.
- You can always ask for a take-home final exam instead of an in-class
“Lesser Known Quotations”
“I need my beauty sleep. Lots and lots of beauty sleep. 40 pills worth of beauty sleep.” -Marylin Monroe
“I have this thing for asian chicks, ya know, because they’re the only ethnicity available on this entire continent.” -Confucius
“I … Read More
Discount Wisdom
Remember when P. Diddy ran all of those “Vote or Die” commercials on MTV during the 2004 election? I think he meant that campaign to be aimed at senior citizens. That’s all they seem to do.
I don’t believe in … Read More
So Now You’re in Purgatory
A Pamphlet
Hello!
Welcome to
Purgatory!
You probably have a lot of questions, for instance:
- Why am I here?
- Who are you?
- Why did you take my shoes?
- And just what is purgatory anyway?
First and foremost, Congratulations on not going to
