[Rumsfeld enters and takes the podium]
Thank you all for coming. As you may have inferred from the mid-term election results, I am resigning the post of Secretary of Defense. Before I take leave of you, I have … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
In-Class Drinking Games
Political Science
Take a Shot every time the one Libertarian tries to change the discussion to how pot should be legal.
Take a Shot of Vodka each time a student uses the term “capitalist” like it means “AIDS”
Person to … Read More
Homeless Comedians
Jerry Seinfeld
I don’t know about you guys, but I like to stay clean. But it’s so much trouble these days. Every time you get clean you’re just gonna rub vomit in your hair all over again.
[laughter]… Read More
Invisimask Advertisement
From the makers of Invisalign, the invisible braces, comes Invisimask. The Invisimask system is a mostly painless system for facial correction and beautification. Developed by NASA for ugly astronauts, the patented space-age Uglon technology subtly alters your facial features while … Read More
Words from the Top
We’re Not Very Lucky
Congratulations on obtaining a copy of the Heuristic Squelch. Unfortunately, we regret to inform you that by accepting this issue, you too have fallen under the curse of a mysterious Native American shaman. Sorry, our bad. We’d like to explain … Read More
High-Brow Erotic Fanfiction
“The Battle of Man-Asses”
Author: RebCake20
Source: Ken Burns’ “The Civil War”
[The camera pans out from an aged photograph as a sorrowful and rustic violin plays an old Southern requiem. The photo is of two men with scraggly … Read More
Words From The Top
47 Things Every Freshman Should Know
- Being ten minutes late for class is no problem; we call it “Berkeley time.”
- Your Cal ID card can be used for one free rental at Blockbuster.
- You can always ask for a take-home final exam instead of an in-class
New Math Department Courses Teach Culture
The UC Berkeley Department of Mathematics today announced its Fall 2006 Schedule of Classes, containing in it some surprising new course offerings. Alongside such bread-and-butter staples as Math 16B: “This Course is Integral to your Future” and Math 113: “I … Read More
Divorce Guide
In the United States divorce has become an epidemic. Look to your left, now look to your right – both of those people are divorced. If you don’t see anyone near you, it’s because you’re divorced. Divorce is a complicated … Read More
My Girlfriend
When you’re as picky as I am, it’s hard to find a girl that shares your interests. Girls that I dated in the past just weren’t into sitting in one position for up to twelve hours, being stared at by … Read More
