Jerry Seinfeld

I don’t know about you guys, but I like to stay clean. But it’s so much trouble these days. Every time you get clean you’re just gonna rub vomit in your hair all over again.

[laughter]… Read More

From the makers of Invisalign, the invisible braces, comes Invisimask. The Invisimask system is a mostly painless system for facial correction and beautification. Developed by NASA for ugly astronauts, the patented space-age Uglon technology subtly alters your facial features while … Read More

Thanks to the Democrats, 3-time “King of the C-Block Showers” Back-Alley Mike is back on the street to teach you the fundamentals of self defense.

“Staring down the barrel of a gun is one of the most challenging situations … Read More

They say the lion is the king of the jungle, but I think it’s the bulldozer.

I sympathize with animal rights activists, because I think animals are people too. Inferior, delicious, inhuman people.

People always tell me I make delicious … Read More

Congratulations on obtaining a copy of the Heuristic Squelch. Unfortunately, we regret to inform you that by accepting this issue, you too have fallen under the curse of a mysterious Native American shaman. Sorry, our bad. We’d like to explain … Read More