Antarctica’s population grew by one yesterday when local resident Superman purchased a hamster in order to alleviate the crippling loneliness of living in an ice cave at the South Pole. Along with cage, wheel, and hamster ball, … Read More
Recently uncovered and collected by the National Archives are personal journals kept by everyday citizens in the days following September 11, 2001. It is an attempt to preserve for all time these raw, incisive, and emotional accounts of what… Read More
At 7:00 PM exactly, Berkeley student Amy Delacruz was walking down Telegraph Avenue when she narrowly missed being incinerated by an orbiting satellite. She was saved by local street person Amos Terwuggen, who was nearby and dove on… Read More
The Women’s Sexuality De-Cal class was deeply embarrassed last weekend when its Mother walked in on them, unaware.
The class, both famed and controversial for its explicit exploration of female sexual topics, was in the middle of … Read More
Dear posers,
Take off that fucking trucker hat.
I hate all of you wannabe skater punks who think it’s cool to get paid $16K a year to drive across country with only your CB radio and a half gallon… Read More
What if all of Berkeley’s heroes came to visit their adoring campus? Well, they’d probably like Top Dog, for starters.
Prologue
STEVE: Hey, you know what’d be awesome? If we got all of our heroes to … Read More
On Wednesday evening, shortly after consuming his fourth banana of the day, Cal junior Bryan Dempsey opened a bottle of Snapple only to find the short but harrowing factoid “Eating bananas makes you more attractive to mosquitoes” staring… Read More
“Pony,” the breakthrough hit from R&B star Ginuwine, was barred from all future play at Willard Middle School dances after school officials declared the song’s lyrics to be too tame for the student body.
“‘Send … Read More
Spurred on by the enormous success of humorist Al Franken’s GOP-bashing bestseller Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, an impassioned throng of extreme-left disc jockeys gathered Saturday outside the Long Island residence of Fox News anchor… Read More
It’s not that I’m a liar, it’s just that I’m often tricked into lying. And nothing makes me lie more than conversing in a foreign language. Well, maybe dead whores.
Practicing verbal skills is essential in a foreign… Read More
