221B Factory Way
Shoe Factory District 4
Shoe Distribution Province 8
Malaysia 91423
9/15/2004
Dear 13-year-old Malaysian girl who made my sneakers,
I’ve never considered myself a romantic, but I’ve always believed that true love can… Read More
WOLFMAN: OK. I never…accidentally drowned a little girl while picking flowers.
FRANKENSTEIN: Arrgh! Frankenstein have to drink AGAIN!
THE MUMMY: OK, my turn. I never…made out with someone of the same sex. [Drinks]
FRANKENSTEIN… Read More
A man reportedly oblivious to all that is good and just in the world allegedly wrapped his worldly possessions in cellophane while you were listening to a lecture, sitting in a library, or otherwise attempting to concentrate on what… Read More
Josh Newbin, a Berkeley junior, got laid last night solely because of the Garden State soundtrack. The album, featuring soul-wrenching songs from such artists as The Shins and Frou Frou, is known to give those listening to it … Read More
Jeremy Stout, a fifth-year mass communications major, has finally decided to depledge from fraternity Alpha Alpha Alpha after not getting any action at their “Pirates of the Caribbean” party last Friday.
For the party, … Read More
Since the dawn of time in 1943, we at the SETI Institute have scoured the depths of the universe in hopes of finding life outside our solar system. So far we have been unsuccessful, prompting many critics to call our … Read More
Freshman Kyle Watkins sat up suddenly in history class today, stunned to learn that world war had broken out over the death of hot new rock group Franz Ferdinand.
“Shit, I didn’t even know they were from Austria… Read More
In Iraq
SOLDIER: Dave! Dave! Stay with us! Evac is coming in GAA Dave! Shit!
[Corpse disappears]
[Five seconds later]
DAVE: Alright, I’m back. What’s going on?
SOLDIER: Oh, hey … Read More
Last week the National Terror Alert Level was raised to orange due to a security threat on the UC Berkeley campus. According to officials, a student was heard making a bomb threat after learning of his grade on… Read More
IN THE HARD LAND OF MONTERREY there lived a pretty young girl named Ana de la Cocina. In her family’s hut by the edge of the pueblo, Ana slaved day in and day out to provide food for… Read More
