Scenes from a World Where Everyone Has Extra Lives

In Iraq

SOLDIER: Dave! Dave! Stay with us! Evac is coming in GAA Dave! Shit!
[Corpse disappears]
[Five seconds later]
DAVE: Alright, I’m back. What’s going on?
SOLDIER: Oh, hey Dave. Saddam is starting to flash red, and his face has changed expressions.
DAVE: Okay, I’m going to nail him a few times until I stop blinking.

Faulkner Novel

CHARLIE: Pa! Boyo got bit bad, and there ain’t a life heart around for miles! And he’s at x0!
MA: Quick, Arthur. We should have just over 100 coins in the jar. There’s still time.
PA: …There ain’t no 100 coins in that jar.
MA: You went drinking.
CHARLIE: What do I tell Boyo, Ma? What do I tell him?
MA: You tell him…you tell him whatever you want to, Charlie.
[Silence. No one looks at one another.]

A Prison Yard

GANGSTA: [bench presses stuff]
CHOLO: Okay, ese. It’s time to settle the score for what you did to Burro Kong. [pulls out red shell] You only got one balloon left, homes.
GANGSTA: [pulls out feather] …Sheeit.

History Class

PROFESSOR: …But Gavrilo triple-jumped over the Austroguards, killing Archduke Ferdinand with just one blow to the head. A second player attempted to administer powerups, but was unsuccessful.
STUDENT: It seems so odd that that one event led to World War 1-Up.

Foundation of Buddhism

BUDDHA: I believe that after this life we move on to a new incarnation, determined by our actions in this world.
ACOLYTE: Like if I mistime my jump over the bridge, I have to start over with no life…but if I make it over, I start the next stage with the Invisibility Cape?
BUDDHA: Yes, I am stating the obvious above.


VETERINARIAN: It’s well-known that all cats start with nine lives, but few know that they can go up to 99 lives before being capped.
MAN: How can they end up with so many?
VETERINARIAN: Mice leave the blue coins.