Man Wraps Worldly Possessions in Cellophane

A man reportedly oblivious to all that is good and just in the world allegedly wrapped his worldly possessions in cellophane while you were listening to a lecture, sitting in a library, or otherwise attempting to concentrate on what the fuck you were doing.

The man, allegedly infuriated by the fact that all objects which he held earthly rights of possession to were not encased within the screeching grasp of a transparent plastic, slowly and deliberately shrouded each and every item, one after the other, in the least appropriate way possible.

According to witnesses, you jerked your head around agitatedly and threw your arms up in frustration several times, but to no avail. “I can’t…I can’t fucking believe this,” said you when reached for comment. “I just…I seriously can’t, just absolutely can’t fucking believe this.”

When he was done, the man proceeded to unwrap a small mint underneath the table while looking around guiltily, after which he left.