Nerd Rehab
When did nerds get the idea that it’s okay to be nerdy? I don’t recall seeing any Nerd Pride parades on the streets of Silicon Valley. But I guess if they tried that, they’d get wedgied and… Read More
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Would You Rather Be Hung-Over or Over-Hung?
Scenario One:
Using the English Language
Hung-over: When hung-over, complex words like “uhhhhhhnng” are often hard to pronounce. You are light-headed. You feel like you might vomit. You do vomit. You try to tell one of … Read More
Discount Wisdom
I never went back to that gloryhole once I found out there was a person on the other side.
NASCAR’s great. I mean, who doesn’t love a bunch of traffic?
People say that crows are a… Read More
Jobs For Double Majors
Good things come in pairs: hands, hot lesbian twins, winning lottery tickets, and double majors. You may be concerned that you’ve spread yourself too thin by studying two very different fields, but worry not! Your unique experience … Read More
Murder! in Five Easy Steps
Put your flared pants back into the closet and shut off that T-mobile Sidekick, because murder is the hot new trend this summer season. In this authoritative guide, we’ll hold your hand from the first time you “inadvertently… Read More
Words From the Top
Berkeley Speaks Out
“There is a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can’t take part; you can’t even passively take part, and you’ve got to put … Read More
MONEY: Argentina Discontinues Use of Kitten Currency
In a 26-14 decision Thursday, Parliament voted to discontinue the use of kittens as currency in the financially-ravaged South American nation of Argentina.
Said spokesman Nicholas Garcia-Sege, “They don’t fit into a standard wallet… Read More
Popular Children’s Books Recalled
On Tuesday, scientists at Lawrence Berkeley Labs disproved the popular preexisting theory that everbody poops. The discovery was made after scientists spent two years observing test subject Ken Johnson. Johnson, a 20-year-old male from El … Read More
Interview of the Week
Today we’re blessed to be interviewing two very gifted sports writers here about the Cal football team’s recent struggles.
First we have local CBS 5 Sports Director and host of The Last Honest Sports Show Dennis O’Donnell. … Read More
Viewership Soars as Baseball Reveals Bold Plan
Reeling from record-low World Series ratings, baseball commissioner Bud Selig yesterday unveiled a new marketing strategy to revitalize interest in the sport. Baseball will be disbanded.
Speaking at a news conference, Selig explained, “In lieu of … Read More
