Latest Issue
Volume 33, Issue 1:
The HEURISTIC! Squelch
Volume 7- Issue 6

Top Twelve Pro-Wrestling Moves

April 1, 1998
  1. Australian Reverse-Swirlie
  2. Finnish Finish
  3. Sicilian Kiss of Death
  4. Israeli Guilt Trip
  5. Head But BAMN
  6. Swirlie
  7. Irish Drunken Rage
  8. British Smile
  9. Canadian Nut Cruncher
  10. French Surrender
  11. Latvian Tickle
  12. Swedish Penis Enhancer
Volume 7- Issue 5

Volume 7, Issue 5: A.S.U.C. Titanic

March 1, 1998

Features

Newsflashes

Top Tens

Volume 7- Issue 5

Top Ten Jobs For English Majors

March 1, 1998
  1. Flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong
  2. Waiting for Godot
  3. A Street Punk Named Desire
  4. Venetian Merchant
  5. Security Monitor
  6. Karamazov brother
  7. The Last Mohican
  8. Dead Salesman
  9. Men
  10. Mice
  11. Translating at the English Embassy
  12. Au Pair
  13. Uh, grad school?
Volume 7- Issue 5

Top Fourteen New Oscar Categories

March 1, 1998
  1. Biggest Bomb with SNL Cast Member
  2. Best Prosthetic Penis
  3. Kevin Bacon Lifetime Achievement Award
  4. Biggest Kevin Costner Failure
  5. Best Samuel L. Bronkowitz Production
  6. Most Predictable Ending
  7. Best Disney Perversion of a Classic Fairy Tale or Historical Event
  8. Best of the Best
  9. Best Bitch Slap
  10. Best Dead Rapper
  11. Best iality
  12. Best Casting Couch Performance
  13. Best Boy
  14. Best Bloated Epic
Volume 7- Issue 5

Top Fifteen Jeopardy Questions

March 1, 1998
  1. I’m leaving you Alex.
  2. Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
  3. Where is the keg, bra?
  4. What is the frequency Kenneth?
  5. Where is the beef?
  6. Who is scruffy looking?
  7. Whaddup?
  8. What does this button do?
  9. What’s love got to do with it?
  10. Who is your daddy, Alex?
  11. What is your phone number?
  12. What is ironic?
  13. Where have all the cowboys gone?
  14. Where is Carmen San Diego?
  15. Who is the Who?