Latest Issue
Volume 34, Issue 1:
Squelch M.D.
Volume 10- Issue 3

Top Ten Lies Parents Tell

December 1, 2000
  1. All the cool kids shop at T.J. Maxx
  2. There’s plenty of oxygen in the trunk
  3. Officer, he fell down the stairs
  4. This is the only way to take your temperature
  5. We love both of you equally
  6. It’s not your fault we’re getting divorced
  7. This is Disneyland
  8. Everything will be alright
  9. I will turn this car around
  10. The dog shot himself in the head
Volume 10- Issue 3

Top Ten Traditional Palestinian-Israeli Games

December 1, 2000
  1. Trivial Pursuit of Peace
  2. Tetherisraeli
  3. RISK
  4. Hide and Go Sheik
  5. Gaza strip poker
  6. Skipping rocks off Israeli police officers
  7. Capture the flag and then burn it
  8. Hopscotch over your bleeding classmates
  9. Arafat-Barak 1-On-1 Half Court Challenge
  10. Paper, rock, tank
Volume 10- Issue 3

Top Ten Things To Do After Receiving 30 Years To Life

December 1, 2000
  1. Scare people straight
  2. Frown
  3. Stand on the edge of very high objects and yell “I didn’t kill my wife”
  4. Either get busy livin’, or get busy dyin’
  5. Appeal
  6. Behave, get paroled, and then kill again to make up for 25 years without the warm blood of a child,
  7. Organize an elaborate breakout scheme centered around the upcoming prison rodeo
  8. Yell, “Is that all you got, your Honor?!” and get beaten to the ground by bailiffs
  9. Make some new friends
  10. Think about what you did
Volume 10- Issue 2

Volume 10, Issue 2: Squelch Cereal

October 1, 2000
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Features

Newsflashes

Top Tens

Volume 10- Issue 2

Och, Me Head!

October 1, 2000
,

Ye’d ne’er believe how very mooch it hurts te slam yer delicate doock head inte a solid sea o’ gold coins. More’n a wee bit, Ah kin tell ye that mooch. Ah’m in an ache from spatz te noggin. Moother Foock.

Volume 10- Issue 2

Top Ten Things Found On The Ocean Floor

October 1, 2000
  1. Every ship ever captained by a woman
  2. Wallet-sized photos of Russian sweethearts
  3. Gadgets and gizmos aplenty
  4. Pyroxene-olivine basalt
  5. Shore-to-shore carpeting
  6. Whales <STRIKE>fucking</STRIKE> making love
  7. Geodesic domes with sustainable breathing environment
  8. 4 million Razor scooters (10 years from now)
  9. Childern’s letters to God
  10. JFK, Jr.
Volume 10- Issue 2

Top Ten Inner-City Software Products

October 1, 2000
  1. Real Playa
  2. Oregon Trail for the Apple IIe
  3. Microsoft Word Up
  4. Lowered Netscape Navigator with Chrome Rims and 12” Lift
  5. Microsoft Out – Look – Out Datrell It’s tha Po-Po
  6. Corel Werd Perfikt
  7. Etch-a-Sketch
  8. Macromedia Dreams – ruined – by – Prop – 22 – weaver
  9. Microsoft Excel at Sports and Maybe I Can Get Out of Here
  10. Adobe Photoshoplifter