SCENE 1 JUNIOR HIGH CAFETERIA
Cindy: OK, now you have to tell me who you like.
Laura: Well, you know that guy in our history class GAA Sean Keane?
Cindy: Eeew GAA Sean Keane?
Laura: No, not Sean Keane. I like that tall guy with glasses GAA Sean Keane.
Cindy: Ohhh. Sean. OK.
SCENE 2 THE EXCLUSIVE RESTAURANT (via telephone)
Maitre D’: Hello, Chez Panisse. How may I help you?
Sean Keane: (in De Niro voice) You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me?
Maitre D’: Wow, is this really Sean Keane?
Sean Keane: (continues imitation) Hey, why you tryin’ to bust my balls here?
Maitre D’: I … I’m sorry.
Sean Keane: (drops imitation) Nah, just kidding. I’m not really Sean Keane.
Maitre D’: Oh, whew. You sounded just like him, sir.
Sean Keane: Thanks. Say, can I get a 7:00 reservation for four? Put it under “Sean Keane.”
Maitre D’: Of course, Mr. Keane.
SCENE 3 THE EMAIL ADDRESS
Sean: Hmm … it says seankeane @aol.com is already taken.
Rachel: Really? Try it with an underscore.
Sean: Cripes! email@example.com is taken too!
Rachel: I give up.
SCENE 4 THE APARTMENT (Sean Keane enters)
Sean Keane: Hey, man, you missed a great episode of Three’s Company.
Sean Keane: That sucks. Which one was it?
Sean Keane: Well, when Janet and Crissy go out of town, Sean throws a party. When Mr. Keane comes up to complain about it, he gets caught up in the fun. The next morning, when he wakes up in Sean’s bed, he thinks he’s turned gay!
Sean Keane: That’s a great one. I wish they’d never replaced Mr. Keane. Mr. Keane just wasn’t the same.
Sean Keane: You said it.
**SCENE 5 MOFFIT UNDERGRADUATE LIBRARY **
Sean: Pardon me, Ma’am.
Librarian: Can I help you?
Sean: Yes. I’m looking for a harrowing sci-fi novel entitled A World Where All Men Are Named Matt Holohan, by Sean Keane.
Librarian: That’s a great one. Right now, our Keane-Keane selection has been moved to level D.
Sean: Silly me GAA I was just down there. Thanks a lot.