- Promising Ten But Delivering Nine
- Putting a Handkerchief in a Young Madam’s Bosom
- Putting Things Where They Ought Not Be
- Being an Utter Hooligan
- Putting Spirits in Ginger Ale
- Putting Dijon Mustard on a Hot Cross Bun
- Whitewash-related Fibbing
- Tying
Author Archives: The Squelch
Woman Gets Rare Cancer
Becky Johnson, a photojournalist at the Daily Planet, Metropolis’s biggest newspaper, has been diagnosed with a rare form of independent cancer of both the breasts and the buttocks.
Although usually quite rare, this dual diagnosis has been made on several … Read More
The Future According to the ’70s
1979: Overpopulation leads to water shortage and rampant cannibalism. Also, pastel pants fashionable.
1980: All vehicles now legally required to have doors that open vertically.
1982: New lethal strain of Saturday Night Fever discovered.
1983: First moon colony in which … Read More
Man Gradually Replaced by Better Version of Self
The next step in a slowly advancing personal coup took place last Wednesday when Jared Demming’s friends once again invited acquaintance Jeff Dumar over for dinner. Demming, who was neither notified of the event nor welcome to attend it, reportedly … Read More
Pirate Battle
Pirates ended the careers of many a brave seaman, even those who survived the tumultuous waters south of Cape Horn, the monsters of the great Atlantic, and the pleasant oases of the Pacific. Pirates were feared for their unforgiving tactics, … Read More
AssistedSuicideGirls.com
Assisted Suicide Girl: Wheels
Looking For: Someone who can really take my breath away
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Sign: Cancer
Occupation: Model/actress/invalid (triple threat!)
Why I Did ASG: Voice-to-text program makes blogging a snap. Also, cystic fibrosis creates thick sticky mucus … Read More
Mark Thomas vs. the Internet
Let’s face it; the Internet had a lot to offer in its heyday: earth-shattering breakthroughs in communication, data access, and commerce, just to name a few. Yeah, the Internet was pretty cool.
Around the same time the idea of a … Read More
Being a Male Porn Star Is Hard Work
By Miles O’Dong
Most people think that being a male porn star is a glamorous job. That all day it’s just sex and making that one face. But it’s not. For one
thing, it’s hard to tell where work ends and where everyday … Read More
Words from the Top
Enemy Mine
Everyone needs an enemies list. With all the talk of national disunity and the red/blue divide, I figure this “healing” is just a clever tactic. That’s right, they lull you into a false sense of security, then BAM, Senator Joe … Read More
Student Unable to Comply with Parent’s Request
Sophomore William Hammersmith’s father was dismayed to learn yesterday that his son would be unable to “spend a semester flipping
burgers if you want a car,” because he is too un-Mexican.
“I’m a white male aged 18 to 35 GAA … Read More
