Top Ten Romantic Date Ideas for One

  1. Smoking a cigarette after nothing
  2. Picnic in Lonely People’s Park
  3. Half a Luther Vandross album
  4. Seeing Sartre’s No Exit
  5. Dinner plus silent film for silent evening
  6. Candlelit masturbation
  7. You and me and the bottle minus you plus another bottle makes three tonight
  8. Riding a loneliness carriage through the Central Park of sad
  9. A paddleboat going in a circle
  10. Sawing a bicycle built for two in half