Top Ten Rejected Roadside Sobriety Tests

  1. The thing where you spin around the baseball bat and then run your ass off
  2. “A drunk driver says what?”
  3. Reaching the fourth world of Super Mario 3 without using the raccoon tail
  4. Bribing the officer…test
  5. Setting the drunk driver free if you truly love him
  6. Driving the rest of the way home
  7. The honor system
  8. Placing one tiny pea under the driver’s seat
  9. Walking in a staggered line, then throwing up
  10. One hundred eighty-minute multiple-choice AP sobriety test