- You’re a terrier and dogs look stupid wearing clothes.
- Because that shit is hot.
- It’s a parade, and you’re showing off your new set of clothes to all yoursubjects.
- How else is anyone going to see your cock ring?
- Do
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- Eureka!
- Geez woman, have you ever heard of a bikini wax?
- Is this where the stork’s supposed to land?
- Are you aroused? It’s okay, you can tell me.
- I’ve never seen that color before.
- It appears that you have pneumonia.
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- Eye-patch
- Put it back on to scare girls when they go down on you
- Cure for pink eye
- Keep it as a “Hooded Avenger” costume for your penis
- Replacement for salmon in a rainbow roll
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- Sit by the fireplace and read
- Snort RainBlo
- Get wet
- Steal garbage bags from hobos
- Wipe sweat off brow
- Wear pink blouse, stand outside, be Kirsten Dunst
- Impromptu baptism
- Go outside and masturbate (in the rain)
- Stay at home and
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- I’m gay, you’re gay, we’re all gay
- You can help yourself to Mom as long as you pretend you’re me
- The babysitter’s dead
- I hide the porn in the veggie crisper
- Your mother was adopted
- I “make love” to your
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- Underwater basketweaving prereq. not met
- For your own good
- “Readin’ Stuff” not an approved major. Yet.
- The library wants their book back
- Because you’re sponsored by Old Spice
- They did, it was in Kelvin
- 119.5 units
- The “chalk dust incident”
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- Fucks reindeer
- Only gives rich kids good presents
- Dates ugly chicks
- Segregates weaker toys
- Runs over grandmas with reindeer
- Prefers to stay out of politics
- Only got to be Santa ’cause Daddy was Santa
- Fat, white, and ugly
- Masturbates 8
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- Anti-freeze in bong water
- Pool supply stores looted less often
- It actually gets even colder, breaking all laws of physics
- Air-conditioners kick in
- The homeless die
- Significant Campanile shrinkage
- SJP occupies warmer building
- Nudists wear sock
- Girls in skirts don’t
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- Sacagaweamacallits
- Mars Bars of Gold
- Reese’s Pieces of Eight
- Mounds of Cash
- Abbazabillion dollars
- Peppermint Pennies
- Kit Ka$h
- Rolo Quarters
- Jujudimes
- Snickels
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- To avoid jailtime
- You dropped out of high school
- See beautiful New France and, die there in WWIII
- Fuckin’ G.I. Bill bitch!
- Because you’re not part of the solution
- To protect and serve your country
- Because no one really dies
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