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Thomas Jefferson’s evil plot to tip all the cows
A job! (Those hippy slackers)
That bartering sucks
Lewis held captive by Lex Luther; Clark changes quickly in a phone booth, saves Lewis.
Elvis, Osama, the Missing Link, and Sasquatch, all … Read More
Players who were just dragging the team down
The life expectancies of those not rich, white
Elaborate Carmen Miranda costume for White House dog
Federal Youth Rec Center, thereby necessitating an inspiring New-Wave-music-accompanied fundraising scheme
Collision insurance
Gold coin swimmin’ … Read More
He’s really a square. I mean cube. I mean a Borg cube. He’s a Borg cube.
Smart, well paid, and really (la)CUTE(is)
House is immaculate, clean, organized, and can sustain speeds of warp 9.98 for up to 50 earth hours … Read More
The clitoris.
A distaste for razors.
Ralph Fiennes.
Donner Lab (by the time they’re a senior).
The missing link.
Knowledge of what to wear when it’s raining.
Hate for the views of others.
A crappy apartment.
Their high school friends … Read More
Trial by jury.
Christmas, Hanukkah, Commercialism
Growing up, you dorks.
A unitary autocratic dictatorship.
Embryo, fetus, baby
Chicken, egg, chicken, no wait….
Christian, Jew, Muslim
Mossimo, Stussy, No Fear
White, Black, Asian
Russian roulette.
… Read More
Cicero (and his Troupe of Gyrating Choir Boys)
Jimmy the Dancing Chimp
Tony Danza
Hitler
Mr. Non-Sequitur
Gandhi
Marie Curie (’cause she’s hot)
Santa Claus
Stalin
Jon Stewart
… Read More
Win a gold medal in the 800 meters at the Special Olympics.
Complete an unsatisfying ab workout.
Wait patiently for the supervillain to explain his detailed plan.
Cut the black wire … No, the yellow wire!
Be a dick and … Read More
The old bulb burnt out.
You don’t want to piss on the floor.
You’re in the segregated south.
Houseboy!
You’re an ethnic minority and/or holder of an unpopular job description.
You’re tired of masturbating.
You’re Thomas Edison and think you’re … Read More
How ’bout I go and invade your Gaza Strip, baby?
Don’t let the terrorists win has always been my motto, but If you let me buy you a drink, we will all be winning!
I just have to say that … Read More
Wish for more wishes.
Break up time machine into small parts; paddle each other with the remnants.
Go back to that day that everybody got totally hammered and gotthe goat on the roof and then we played foosball until Chad … Read More
