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Cheated on you with your sister … who’s been dead for 15 years
Spices up sex with strawberries, syrup, and cow brains
id software keeps asking him to come in for some motion-capture sessions
Picnic in cemetery on first date, … Read More
Stuck in the superdome in the rain
Mushrooms
When was anyone gonna tell me what an Ethiopian steak was?
It’s the only thing that goes with this wine
Took the pet name muffin too far
Bastard ate your last slice … Read More
Shit, shit, I’ve really gotta move to an apartment that’s not on benvenue
Fuck, now there’s two of them, hurry!
Oh thank god, I think we lost him.
[heavy breathing]
Asking the homeless to … oh shit, he’s … Read More
Being the black guy from Stargate: SG-1
Pretending to be the black guy from Stargate: SG-1
Working for the black guy from Stargate: SG-1
Playing World of Warcraft with the black guy from Stargate: SG-1
Knowing that the name of … Read More
Mardi Gras
Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego?
Be all you can be
Ask your parole officer for advice
Based itinerary on Oscar-nominated films; only saw Hotel Rwanda
… Read More
He takes notes when the handicapped students are talking
Forty year old in the front row still talks too much, but about keeping his thumbs
Pete Rose is scheduled to be a guest lecturer
Office hours held in bar at … Read More
Three words: location, location, it’s a crackhouse
I don’t know, ask one of the other 19 illegal immigrants
In the co-op, you’re your own landlord! And maid! And drug dealer! And fuck, this place is a shithole.
The rat carcasses … Read More
Never admit you’re wrong, and be immortal
Use obscure phrases to hoist them by their own petard
Successfully throw three bean bags through clown’s mouth at Rhetorical Carnival
Make jazz hands until your opponent
Liberal use of American … Read More
Sniff it
Wish for more wishes
Aw man, this one’s licorice
Heal a man’s broken arm by signing
Donate to low-income magic kindergarten
Draw animated blinking penis on passed-out roommate’s face
Accidentally leave cap off, dry up all the magic … Read More
To impress the bear’s girlfriend
You thought it was a cougar
You assumed the forest gave you home-court advantage
It took your pic-inic basket
… Read More
