Warning : Trying to access array offset on value of type bool in /services/http/users/s/squelch/wp-content/plugins/search-everything/config.php on line 29 top ten | The Heuristic Squelch
Please, please, like me again
It’s your fault you got raped, and how to deal with it
A guide to surprise sex
… Read More
Stools Rush In
Poop fiction
Jackie Brown
Cool Runnings
The Diarrhea of Anne Frank
Forrest Dump
Duck Poop
Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
Shit Happened One Night
Shitizen Kane
… Read More
A male wookie
Robin Williams
Three ewoks standing on each other’s shoulders
Shag carpeting
A throw rug
… Read More
Just tell the little fucker to Google it
Additional instruction on removing your spiky shoulder pads and unitard
Exactly as you would do it today, BUT YOU’RE IN THE MATRIX
What, you’re telling me you don’t know how to use … Read More
Moving OUT of New Orleans
Sticking head in easy bake oven
Throwing self in front of inactive volcano
Hanging self with bungee cord
Killing someone else
Slitting wrists w/ electric razor
Jumping off large building onto less large building
OD … Read More
He takes notes when the handicapped students are talking
Forty year old in the front row still talks too much, but about keeping his thumbs
Pete Rose is scheduled to be a guest lecturer
Office hours held in bar at … Read More
Three words: location, location, it’s a crackhouse
I don’t know, ask one of the other 19 illegal immigrants
In the co-op, you’re your own landlord! And maid! And drug dealer! And fuck, this place is a shithole.
The rat carcasses … Read More
Never admit you’re wrong, and be immortal
Use obscure phrases to hoist them by their own petard
Successfully throw three bean bags through clown’s mouth at Rhetorical Carnival
Make jazz hands until your opponent
Liberal use of American … Read More
Sniff it
Wish for more wishes
Aw man, this one’s licorice
Heal a man’s broken arm by signing
Donate to low-income magic kindergarten
Draw animated blinking penis on passed-out roommate’s face
Accidentally leave cap off, dry up all the magic … Read More
All your leeches are dead
Your ears are so stopped up it sounds like the doctor keeps saying “cancer”
Tums cause you to explode
Your throat is so sore you don’t even want to eat brains anymore
It’s autographed
Ebola-ridden … Read More
