- Three words: location, location, it’s a crackhouse
- I don’t know, ask one of the other 19 illegal immigrants
- In the co-op, you’re your own landlord! And maid! And drug dealer! And fuck, this place is a shithole.
- The rat carcasses are load-bearing
- blah blah heartbeat in the floorboards blah blah
- 1000 square feet turned out to mean 200 feet wide, 5 feet long
- You are now legally liable for everything inside the Mystery Closet
- Half the deposit you gave to him, half the deposit he made in you
- Doorbell plays chorus from Tommy Tutone’s Jenny (867-5309) over and over again, and can never be turned off
- Apparently “French Doors” actually means “No Indoor Plumbing”
