Volume 15- Issue 1 Top Ten Reasons Your Landlord Gave You the Place So Cheap September 1, 2005 top ten Three words: location, location, it’s a crackhouse I don’t know, ask one of the other 19 illegal immigrants In the co-op, you’re your own landlord! And maid! And drug dealer! And fuck, this place is a shithole. The rat carcasses are load-bearing blah blah heartbeat in the floorboards blah blah 1000 square feet turned out to mean 200 feet wide, 5 feet long You are now legally liable for everything inside the Mystery Closet Half the deposit you gave to him, half the deposit he made in you Doorbell plays chorus from Tommy Tutone’s Jenny (867-5309) over and over again, and can never be turned off Apparently “French Doors” actually means “No Indoor Plumbing”
